Scars

PROMPT: what is a struggle you overcame

MEDIUM: Pencil/ markers

ART STYLE/MEDIUM DESCRIPTION (HOW DID YOU CREATE IT?)

:From grade 6-11 a lot of really hard things happened in my life. Though I’ve never had a great life to begin with, I had witness and went through a lot more growing up then lots of people. I faintly remember the first time I attempted to take my own life, I was 4 years old. Although my first vivid memory of attempting, I was 6 or 7 years old. Growing up my parents argued a lot and more time then not it would get violent. I won’t get into much of that though, instead I will try and keep this to more recent events. 8th grade I had a lot of really bad friends and I was constantly bullied. That was the first year I started cutting. I had done many different forms of self harm in the past since I was very young but something was different with cutting. I couldn’t stop doing it, it became addicted and before I knew it my body was covered. I hated that I did it but it helped bring me back to what’s real. 9th grade my parents found out, I was kept home from school the next day and taken to the hospital where I was extremely violated by the doctors. It was over a year after I had first started and at this point it felt impossible to stop. I was put through lots of different therapy and made a promise to my dad that I would stop. I kept that promise and tried to get better. On top of all the different therapies, I also saw a psychiatrist, was in the psych unit, and started taking meds. 6 or 7 months later I messed up and started again, I broke my promise with my dad and he still doesn’t know I broke it. Still to this day I feel awful but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I couldn’t stop. 10th grade comes around and I’m still cutting but it wasn’t the same as before, so I started seeking out for other coping mechanisms. My mental health was so bad I couldn’t get myself to go to class and would always skip and hide in different areas of the school. I closed myself off and refused to talk about anything I was struggling with to anybody. My mental health had deteriorated so bad, I was in and out of the psych unit and gave up on ever getting better. I was hopeless and just wanted to die but every time I attempted I either couldn’t follow through or failed. I began to hate myself not only for the way I thought and functioned but also for how I looked, it was then that I developed and eating disorder. I also fell onto nicotine and weed to cope. My life continued to feel like it was crumbling apart, all I was doing was stealing, starving myself and getting high and the worst part was that I couldn’t tell anyone because I was so full of disappointment and shame. Summer break of grade 10 I finally decided I need to change. I couldn’t continue living like this anymore. I took time for myself and really got better, I found healthy coping mechanisms and quit all unhealthy ones, started eating more and healthier. I hated myself for everything I used to do. I hated how I looked, acted, functioned, treated others and treated myself. I always found art a good way to escape but I fell onto it more while stopping all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I used to write all the time to help me manage my emotions and decided I needed to get back into it. It was a good way to get out all my feelings without actually having to tell anybody. I also started drawing. Drawing was a good way for me to explain how I felt when words couldn’t. Even if it was just scribbles, it would just feel like such an emotional release. Now I can proudly say that I am getting a lot better. I still struggle with things but instead of going to those bad coping mechanisms, I would practice the good ones I was taught. I’ve completely quit all bad coping mechanisms I used to use and it’s been almost a year since I’ve touched any. I’m going to the gym and continuing to learn and practice how to manage healthy and strong relationships in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these experiences but I truthfully believe I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for art (music, painting, drawing, ceramics, photography, writing).